I'm swimming in this gaping emptiness, trying over and over and over to drown myself. Trying desperately to fill myself with something. Anything. Even if it hurts. Even if it comes close to killing me, because at least then it will be more than this floating nothingness.
Sooooo its been a long time, tumblr. I am terribly sorry and you have my uncountable apologies. Its been a month since my last post, since ive become addicted to red bull, since i last had sex, since the last emotional muddle I emerged from.
A lot has happened since then: Smoked a lot of reefer. entered beautiful states of consciousness. Drank a lot. Went to the most amazing show of my life. Hung out with THEE greatest living musicians. Danced on stage. Got sloppy. Masturbated. Yearned for sexual intimacy. Lost everything I’ve written in the past year…..
….yea. EVERYTHING. stories. poems. streams of ongoing thought. because of some unexplainable hardware failure. “Sometimes it just HAPPENS,” the apple “genius” tells me. My poor babies, my words, pictures, everything demolished by this treacherous grinding sound they dismissed as a “malfunction”. Heaven knows it was something so much more cruel…It hurt for a long while, but I have come to grips.
you are so beautiful! and i dont mean just looks wise, your soul and your keen eye for artistry is just beautiful. your ora is so bright and attracts such positive energy that makes everything about you just Beautiful :)
what a perfect first post after a long hiatus. i love u sanya. :) beyond words. this summer is amounting to be one of the greatests. It wouldnt be anywhere near as amazing without you.
I cant even go come close to describing the beauty you posses. The world can see your drenched in it outside and one can only hope to be as fortunate as i to know how deep the beauty really goes.
AHH! dont we do this enough in person!?!?! lol. i FUCKING LOVE U GURLLLUH!